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I feel terrible today. Physically. Emotionally. Financially.
The only thing I can take solace in, right now, is my enormous penis. And that’s like being glad to have a nice whaling harpoon, when you live in Utah. Sure, it’s nice, but when’re you going to use it?
I digress.
We might not have talked recently, you and I. And you might be wondering what could I possibly have to be down about. In order to clarify the situation, I’ve prepared a checklist of 10 Short Things that Make Me Miserable, (today).
#1 – It’s raining outside and has been all day. The sky is a palid shade of grey and it’s everywhere you look, downtown. Is there anything sadder than a wet concrete building?
#2 – I can’t get her to answer my emails. And I want to hear from her. Hear how her trip went and how she’s doing and whatever else she wants to say. I want to be around her and I can’t, for reasons that no one will explain to me. It’s very frustrating.
#3 – I’m sick, goddammit. Congested head, runny nose and sneezes. I want to be home, sick in bed.
#4 – I hate my job. I can’t remember what it was like to work at a place that I liked. Probably the comic book shops in college. That was pretty great. A little boring, sometimes, but generally pretty great.
This new job always feels like I’m just scant seconds away from being fired. My bosses are not very supportive. Or forgiving.
#5 – The theater has moved on without me. I suspected that would happen. Things are moving along. Jobs are getting done by the people who do them. There’s a loop out there and I’m outside of it. I knew that this was going to happen. I just didn’t expect to be reminded of it, as much as I am.
#6 – I’m busted. Broke. Poor. Impoverished. Until Friday. Which is payday. Being broke completely eliminates your options. There’s no “I think I will go see what used DVDs are for sale, today.” On your social calendar. Not when you can’t afford to buy anything. A resolution is in sight, though. It’s just been a long time in coming.
#7 – I feel like I’m wasting all of my time, planning out and performing theater shows that are forgotten, almost as soon as they’re done. The temporary nature of show performance is wearing me down. I require something more permanent.
#8 – My home PC is still busted. (See #6) I miss playing City of Heroes. And farting around on the Internet. And burning CDs and listening to music on Itunes. And porno, GLORIOUS porno. I miss porno. (My imagination is only so powerful. After a while, I require visual stimulus.)
#9 – I hate my body. I hate my thinning hair. I hate my pot belly. I need to lose weight, gain hair and learn how to dance. Then, I WILL be the Make Out King. I would like to be the Make Out King. I can’t be the Make Out King, looking like this.
#10 – I’m exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping well. (Because of the sickness) I’ve fallen asleep three times at my desk and once, sitting on the toilet in the bathroom. Yep, I fell asleep, mid-poo. I am one VERY tired boy.
There.
Now you can be miserable too!
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
(goddammit)
Mr.B
6 comments:
I'm sorry you got the blues bud. I'm a big list maker too. I usually make a bad list and then a good list afterwards. Try 10 good things and it will totally make you feel better. Unless you don't feel like feeling better which is okay too. For a little while only though. Hang in there kitty!
Responses as follows:
1. Grey is the new black. It's true. I work in the fashion industry. I do. Stop fucking laughing. As part of my glorious fashion industry job, I research trends. Vogue tells me that steel grey and its crappy little greytastic brethern are the new "in" color. So when you look out the window at grey, think to yourself, hey, wow, Mother Nature is very stylish today. She's one stylin' bitch. As part of her delicate ecosystem, you are a fashion accessory on said stylin' bitch. Everyone likes to be stylish.
4. Lose that shit then. It's not worth staying at a crap job.
5. Fuck that. It's so not worth spending time thinking about. Every time you start going down this path of thinking, think about something that makes you happy before you venture down the great hole of suck that is That Theater. Like boobies or monkeys. That way, if you're going to waste your time feeling mopey over thankless work that would have driven you nuts anyhow, at least you can multitask and also think about boobs at the same time. Or monkeys. Or maybe picture the monkeys doing the thankless work. Or the people that drove you nuts doing the thankless work topless. Those scenarios would amuse me.
6. You can always sell your plasma. Selling your plasma for money is a great way to get really drunk on not much cash. Ask Mark to tell you stories about his college days.
7. We are going to take the world by storm starting in February. I mean that sincerely. I am crazy serious about that.
8. Talk to Fuzzy. He can fix anything.
9. I am in the process of losing weight and am always looking for people to join the journey with me. Can't help you with the hair, pretty much any of the girls in the show except Nat or Meredith can teach you how to dance.
10. I too have fallen asleep on the can. It happens to the best of us. Get some sleep motherfucker. I have sleepytime drugs if you need help and no issue with sharing the love.
You're both wonderful, good friends. I am sure that tomorrow, all of these will feel like less of the stress that they were today. I am told that even the weather will be clearing up. And that is a relief.
M, I had to go back and read the individual members of the list, to match your very thoughtful respoonses with the original comments. And honestly, that was sorta fun.
Thank you both for taking the time to write those very thoughtful responses.
Tomorrow, I'm working out a list of ten things that make me very happy. I think that was a very good idea. And I'm all in favor of balancing the books.
For now, I take some Myquil and go pass out. A very sick boy.
You're both really wonderful.
Mr.B
PS. Megan, lets talk about #9 further. D Whalley and I are going to begin taking better care of our health, now that he's in my neighborhood. You would be a welcome addition to that small coterie of support.
To be the ever pragmatic... for all the suckage you list here... it could be worse... it could be worse. Hell, you could still be living here in Lexington. But it's not and that is a blessing right there.
Plus if it makes you feel any better, I feel asleep at a red light on main st a few years ago... a freaking red light.
To quote the genius that was,is, and always will be George Harrison:
"Now the darkness only stays the night-time
In the morning it will fade away
Daylight is good at arriving at the right time
It's not always going to be this grey
All things must pass
All things must pass away"
Dear Butt Pirate,
You know how I know you're gay?
You're depressed because you're balding.
Sincerely,
Not Gay
Dear Hendo,
You know I know YOU'RE gay?
Because of the amount of "product" you put in your head of hair.
Sincerely,
Not Gay.
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